[i stand up]
Hi my name is Jason and I'm a balding man.
[everyone says "Hi Jason"]
For the last 5 or 6 years I've been using paste gels in my hair and while it definitely gave me a temporary rush of confidence, deep down I knew my family wasn't buying it. But I can't stay in denial anymore, nowadays anytime I get a glimpse of my 3" diameter bald crown I keep telling myself it's time to let it go. So I acted on Step 1 of your guidebook to balding titled: Acceptance over Denial.
Thank you.
[everyone claps, I sit down]