Oh don't be such a scrooge! I'm getting lots of bites on them. I was going to drop it but Jimmy Paredes has been ripping the ball in his 5 ABs since I started. I was going to stop today but this wacky lineup has Jimmy Paredes playing 2B so I couldn't resist.
He also has a non-zero chance to be a decent player IMO. He's going to have hit the ball hard and do it often given those piss poor K and BB ratios but J.D. Martinez, Trevor Story, etc. have shown us a blueprint for that.
But hey, if you think the jokes suck (and they probably do) don't worry there will still be plenty of room here for you to cook up trade offers for every individual player on our team during what you hope becomes a 5 year rebuild!