Going to just post once as to not derail. But I don’t get this, you’re either a Muslim or you’re not. This is what I went through first years. I was always able to understand this while dudes like you (and the majority) don’t. It’s like being a Christian and being gay. You can’t just undo what the religion is clear about. Just say you believe in God and not all the particulars of revealed religion. In Islam you still go to heaven like this, while as a Christian you don’t. Just say you believe in God and call it a day. Why waste your time with all the daily prayers, fasting, etc
I’m not one of the thinkers that to be a Muslim you need to turn back the clock 1300 years like the Taliban or something. Some things are clearly open to a more modern interpretation (place in society for women outside kitchen as example) and Islam accounts for this if you know it. Premarital sex is not one of them.